Hygiene
Facial Hair http://web.archive.org/web/20080316235418/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fgd1QmjCzEA Beard No Beard Beard : The beard is highly recommended. If it's good enough for Chuck Norris, it's good enough for you. February : Facial Hair February is a long standing manly tradition, and every man is encouraged to participate. Shave your face clean on February 1st and then do not shave until March. : It is noted however, that this practice is popular in November as well being known as "no shave November." Moustache : With the exception of most police officers, there are three men who look good with only a mustache. Two of them are Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck. You are not the third. Leave the mustache in the eighties where it belongs. The only exception to this tenet is the full handlebar, and even then is only allowable in its fully formed state. Grooming Mirror Time : A man shall not spend more than two minutes in front of a mirror, unless said man is shaving. Shaving is a manly pursuit (AKA mansuit). Shaving in the shower saves time in front of the mirror. Bathing : A man may have no more than four total bathroom elements: shampoo, conditioner if necessary, soap, and Lava soap. Washcloth is allowed. Loofahs and poofs are strictly off limits. At all times. An exception occurs for GoJo or other similar grease removers that can be used in the shower, this is only allowed when Lava soap absolutely will not work. This exception is due to the fact that if you have enough grease on you to require GoJo you were obviously doing something manly. Showering : While showering a man must spend a minimum of 80% of the time cleaning his genitals, 10% armpits 7% hair (head) and the remainder cleaning his front upper torso, for the rest of the body just being wet counts. Head Hair Long Hippie Hair : If a man has long hair, he shall also have facial hair. If a man is unable to grow facial hair, then he shall not have long hair. People should not have to wonder if a man is a guy or a chick. Mullet : Mullets are only acceptable under the conditions that the party in the back is equal to or greater than the business in the front, and the mullet remains free of styling or haircare products of any kind. If the latter is present, immediate removal is recommended, or severe beating may result (See: Full House). Mullets are also not to come into contact with weak facial hair or females under any circumstances. Afro : Afros are a true representation of greatness in a man. Only a scarce number of men can pull the afro off. Caucasians can very rarely pull this look off, as their hair wants to fall or go into extreme curls. Usually people of black decent are the ones to truly hold this honor. However, racially mixed individuals have a possibility to grow an afro, and when they do, they are usually considered the best: Example. Afros can be rarely seen on black women, which is a treat. Afros that sit on top of a mans head should be treated with respect. The most important rule about the afro is to never, under any circumstances, throw any materials or objects into it. This is an unwise move, as seeing the majority of afros sit on the heads of black men, which contributes to the stereotype that black men are stronger than white men. Example: "Did you see that fight yesterday? That black guy knocked that dude out in one punch! Baldness : No man shall ever use a rug or any hair re-growth treatments. That is a sign of weakness.If man is balding on top, it is recomended that the rest of the head match. A shaved head is one of the most manly. The Haircut Comment Clause : Men shall not comment on other men's haircuts unless radical alteration has taken place. Examples of radical alteration include; mullet to complete head shave, anchor man haircut to spiked Mohawk, standard hair to a buzz cut dyed in your team's colors. Commenting on less radical hair events are to be considered excessive attention to another man's appearance. : Exception: In event of a particularly well-done cut, one sentence is acceptable as a compliment to the barber by proxy. Example: "Nice haircut". No more. Leave it be. Dyed Hair : In no way is dyed hair manly. Period. However Highlights, are exceptable, but only in the event your barber is a woman Gingers : The second a ginger is born, he becomes a man, no questions asked. : Proven examples: : :Rupert Grint, Ed Sheeran, Mick Hucknell, Gordon Ramsey and Lieutenant. Horatio Caine, the king of one-liners YEAHHHH! Other Hair Armpit Hair : With the exception of the entertainment industry or an organized combat event, no man should ever shave armpit hair. To do so is a display of feminism. Eyebrow Plucking : A man shall pluck his eyebrow if and only if he is separating a unibrow into two distinct eyebrows, but said man shall not admit to plucking said eyebrow(s). Leg Hair : Just as with armpit hair, this must never be shaved. Also, disagreements can be resolved by giving the choice to the person with the most leg hair. Exceptions are for sporting events, like swimming. Shaving ;A Man WILL NOT shave another Man. The only exceptions are #A professional barber using a cut-throat razor (and only a cut-throat) #As punishment a Man can be forced to shave another Man's back. #If a Man passed out drunk without finding the safety of a bed, his hair can be shaved away. #Preparation prior to surgery, when there is not a female to do it. Genital Hair #It's allowed to prune all that area only by request of the user (in this case some hot chick). #Shaving or laser is not an option.